For at least four years, I had a secret beef with God. I was upset with our infertility journey. I was angry I had to keep sharing the love of Jesus when I was mad God didn’t answer our prayers.
I love Dr. Tony Robinson and thank God for a conversation she had with me recently. She asked me a question I never thought about “What are you meant to ignite?” I am someone who becomes concerned about everything. With this concern comes the need to fix things. Fix this relationship. Settle this score. Defend the seemingly helpless. God did create me to be concerned, but He did not ask me to do His job.
Our lives are the sum total of what we have experienced. I have been reading about healing from a wounded spirit. As a burden bearer, one that genuinely empathizes with others, there are some areas of my life that need attention. One is my ability to connect with other people.
These are good things; however, I had a hidden issue I was unaware of. I worshipped my knowledge of God. I felt that Sunday school made me an expert on Him. I felt that my private time with God made me stand out as a star. I felt doing things for God such as volunteering, praying, and reading my Bible made me superior. I had no clue that focusing on “my efforts” to build a relationship with God was self-serving.
Have you introduced someone you did not know? Typically, we fumble across the details of their lives and end with a sheepish grin (we are programmed to save face). We can only introduce who we know and what we know about them.
I chuckle at myself when I remember my early views of sharing the gospel. At a young age, I knew I needed to share Jesus with my peers. My methodology was misguided. Instead of asking my friends if they wanted to hear about Jesus, I held them hostage.