Have you ever tried to charge your phone, but forgot to plug it in? When you needed to connect the most, maybe to pass the time on a long trip or during a break, your battery losses power and eventually your phone will shut down. Recently, I found my battery low and looked down to see, “Hey, I didn’t connect it!” My phone was connected to the cord but my cord wasn’t connected to the outlet. No wonder it continued to stay the same!
At that moment, I received a revelation about relationships. Many times I hear lots of comments about how relationships are no longer working. I want to ask people, “Are you connected in your relationships? Is everyone else REALLY to blame?” So many times we are in toxic bubbles of thought regarding other people. Some of us have developed a relationship ideology that no one likes us, people are jealous, or no one connects with us so we should be loners. Others of us feel relationships don’t work because we have allowed strongholds of thought to crowd our minds. Blah blah blah. (With an extra blah). I can say that because from time to time I struggle with those thoughts. At the end of it is a bunch of blah. Why don’t we see if there are areas in our lives that are disconnected before we point the blame at others? Sometimes we do so out of fear. It is easier to escape from relationships than to build them.
Let’s take a typical thought and see how it can lend itself to disjointed ways of behaving and living.
If you’ve ever been hurt before, you usually don’t want to have the same experience again. So we create definitions of what life should look like based on our perception, also known as constructs.
We may use statements such as:
I will keep people at a distance because I’ve been hurt.
When someone distances themselves from me, I will distance them also, so I don’t get hurt.
Everyone that I meet can hurt me, so I’ll avoid them.
I believe you get the picture. With your words, you have built a wall. What will people do? How will people respond? The way you are responding. Sowing and reaping is both a spiritual and natural law. This is why hurt people must become healed people. If we erect a wall of hurt and do life with others based on this wall, it will leave us imprisoned and broken.
When we feel disconnected or want to avoid connecting in our relationships, we must ask why. Behind your why can be the beginning of your healing journey. Maybe the reason why you avoid being connected to others is due to underlying hurts (i.e. childhood or other life experiences) that haven’t been processed. Don’t be afraid to go beyond the surface and ask the necessary questions about why you might be struggling with feeling connected.
Today’s question is simple but can have many layers. Are you connected in your relationships?
Look at every person you are connected to:
Do you feel connected to them?
Do you feel any points of disconnection?
Are you whole in your connectivity?
Next week, we will continue our conversation and see the fruit of disconnection and why we must uproot it so that we can live healthy in our relationships.